Merry Christmas!

Dear Family and Friends:

We hope you are all having a happy holiday season. Jill will be sending the official holiday “letter” (usually cute pictures of our kids) a little late, but I didn’t want to miss this opportunity to thank you all for your friendship and/or bloodship, as the case may be, this year and to give my version of 2008:

Sam’s still our baby although he is three
This year he has learned where to go p
He gets really mad unless he’s had milky
And gets his blanket that’s nice and silky

Zach is a man, or at least he thinks so
He like to eat chips and chew on his toe
He can’t keep his finger from curling his hair
And if you tell him to stop he growls like a bear

Anna giggles at her nickname “banana”
And tells lots of tales of her trip to Montana
She is in the first grade, learning how to read books
But never remembers to hang her coats on our hooks

Josh can’t chew gum because of new braces
He has one love – here’s a hint: “football laces”
He finally moved in with his brother named Scott
Which means he stays up late when he should not

Scottie is studying to become a great actor
He’s got talent, but his dad’s genes are a factor
He’ll sell you tickets before you say “poof”
To a beloved old tale about a Fiddler’s Roof

Jill is running really fast once again
(She ran a long race and beat several men!)
She loves to spend time making holiday décor
Which she never considers a nuisance or chore

Scott spends his days rendering bankruptcy aid
And his nights are spent as the kids’ live-in maid
Sometimes he is crazy and coaches youth football
His team rarely won; but will dominate next fall!

Love,

The Browns

Brown Family 80AZ

Dear Family and Friends:

It is Sunday afternoon. I have come to love Sundays after the beatings administered to my Broncos football team on Saturday nights, plus the craziness of the week and weekend in general. Our calendar is SO full right now it is hard to find time to do anything but go from one thing to the next. I’m looking forward to Jan. 2, when life will slow down again.

Prince Sam:

I’ve been reading Josh’s books about The Diary of a Wimpey Kid and they are really funny. (The book concept is really good – it’s told from a middle schooler’s perspective. And it has pictures! When I’m done reading, I let Josh have the book back. But then Scottie confiscates it and Josh has to fight him for it. When Josh does get the chance to read it, it inspires him to write about his own childhood, including the now infamous dog-poop-in-the-eye incident, which Scottie still denies.)

Anyway, the “Wimpey Kid” in that story has a three-year-old brother – the youngest in his family. He says his little brother can basically get away with murder and his parents treat him like a “some kind of prince.”

That basically sums up Prince Sam. Except Jill gets mad when I call him “Prince Sam”. She says it will ruin him in front of our other kids’ eyes. But as the Wimpey Kid observes, it won’t be news to them.

Just to prove my point, we recently moved Prince Sam into Zach’s bedroom and Josh into Scottie’s bedroom. Prince Sam’s not too happy about (finally) being kicked out of the crib and the nursery and, more importantly, losing his bottle of milk. Prince Sam thought it was cool that he got to sleep downstairs for one night and then he was ready to move back upstairs to the nursery and his crib. So I had to actually take down the crib so it was no longer an option. He says he’s scared of the dark so I tell him stories and that seems to help, unless he’s afraid of the three bears or the wolf that chases pigs or the troll that guards the bridge. I don’t know.

Anna:

Anna recently spent a weekend in Montana. Apparently there are some really cheap flights up there right now and my sister-in-law, Cheryl, loves to take advantage of that. Twice now she has flown up there with one of her kids and one of our kids. So, Anna took the most recent trip and came back with a ton of new clothing. Apparently it is really cold in Montana right now and there is nothing to do there but shop until you drop. My hell. Anna’s paradise.

Anna also recently took a trip to the orthodontist and man, oh, man she apparently has every problem with her mouth known to womankind. In addition to teeth spacing problems, she has an underbite and a crossbite. She’ll basically be in braces for many, many years. She’ll even have to wear one of those headgears thingys when she sleeps at night. Right now, though, she’s excited about having braces and stuff and brags about not getting to eat anymore popcorn or “sticky stuff” – just like her brother Josh.

We were also told a year ago that Anna needs glasses. So far we are avoiding that trip to the eye doctor. She doesn’t run into doors and she can read words and numbers just fine, so we’re not that concerned about it yet.

When Anna gets a modeling contract someday, Jill and I are taking at least a 50% cut.

Zach:

Zach also recently spent a weekend in Montana. I think he played outside a lot more than Anna did, mostly because he hates shopping and doesn’t mind the cold. I actually have no idea what he did there, just that he is back safe and sound and had fun.

Zach also recently went to the orthodontist. He has an underbite and will need braces and headgear soon, too. The doctor told us that the underbite problem is a one in one thousand problem. We are the fortunate parents of two children with the same problem. At least Zach and Anna won’t tease each other about their new sleeping attire.

Zach is finishing up his soccer season soon. He’s an intense soccer player and is a lot of fun to watch. At home, however, he is a fragile young man who needs a lot of his mother’s mothering. The other day Jill was gone to some meetings and Zach hurt himself outside. He came in to the house screaming like his hand had been cut off. I could hear him going through the whole house screaming and looking for his mom. When I finally informed him that mom was gone and I would help him, he simple said “nevermind”. Then he stopped screaming and ran back outside to play some more.

Josh:

Josh started the teeth problem in our family. He’s the first to get braces and not eat popcorn or “sticky stuff”. Not only does he have braces, but he had a special surgery to bring down one of his front teeth that is still hiding in the roof of his mouth. The surgery worked and the chain is indeed pulling down the long lost tooth. But at a recent visit the orthodontist told us that the tooth was cracked and in decay, probably because it spent so long hiding around his nose. He’s thinking it might be the subject a root canal in the near future.

Josh just finished his soccer season. His team did pretty good – 2 losses; 2 ties; and the rest wins. Whose counting, though? And speaking of counting, the fathers played the sons on the team again and we fathers beat the sons for the second year in a row. Most of the fathers don’t care who wins and try to let the kids get a couple of extra goals, but a few fathers are seriously competitive and will play hard the entire time, including kicking hard shots against the sons’ goalie.

Scottie:

Scottie’s football season came to a screeching halt recently. Every team makes it to the tournament, but it is single elimination. We had the second lowest seed and it showed. It was 28-0 at half time and most of my players were pretty much resigned to another loss and wrapping up the season. I tried to build them back up, but it’s the same story I’ve been telling them at half time for most of our games, so it didn’t help them that much. Despite the bad season, I think most of the kids want to play together again. I’m trying to put together a 9-10 and 11-12 team next Spring. Jill’s not too happy about that, especially since I told her I’d be taking a break from coaching after this fall season.

During the off-season Scottie is going to brush up on his singing and acting talents. Scottie got a part in Fiddler on the Roof as a villager. I think it should be something he’s proud of. Maybe he is but he’s just biding his time before making his grand debut.

Scottie’s not happy about his new sleeping arrangements. He has had his own room for 3+ years and was quite content to live out his days as a hermit. But now he has to share with Josh and Josh is ecstatic. He feels like he has finally moved into the big time. Really, all he did was move into the smelliest room in the house.

Jill:

Jill spends her days visiting the orthodontist, decorating the new rooms for the boys and undercoating the nursery, attending physical therapy, and trying to convince me to not coach in the Spring.

Scott:

Scott is slow at work, even though he’s a bankruptcy lawyer. Apparently the economy is so bad that businesses can’t even afford bankruptcy lawyers. It’s a huge blow to his ego. He is also undergoing rigorous 12-step therapy for recovering flag football coaches. “I am powerless over my ability to win games.”

We wish a Happy Thanksgiving to all and pass along our love.

The Browns

Family Pictures

Well its been quite awhile since I last updated this. Long enough that it took me quite awhile to figure out what my password was. We had some pictures taken of our family I thought I would post. There were so many great ones I had a tough time deciding which one of the kids to use!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, everyone. Unfortunately, we don't have Scottie this time. There was a football game on that was a little too intriguing to leave the TV for a snap of his headless horseman costume. As it happens, it the same costume as last year's so I am including a picture from last year.

Dear Family and Friends:

Football and soccer season are in full swing. I’m not sure why, but I am coaching Scottie’s flag football team again. I must be a glutton for punishment. This year I did a bit of recruiting to get certain kids on my team and we had 8 practices before our first game. But none of that has mattered thus far – we are still 0-3. It’s a good thing I don’t get paid to do this – I’d probably be fired by now.

Josh’s soccer team was undefeated last fall. He’s playing with the same team this fall. Their season started off well, but they finally lost a game. Josh is pretty bitter and didn’t say a word pretty much the rest of the day. I don’t think he’s ever tasted defeat in soccer before. He’s a proud man – like his dad.

Zach is playing soccer for the first time. He is super excited and tries his best all game long. In his first two games he came exceedingly close to scoring a goal, but to no avail. Then, in his third game, he finally knocked one in. I’ve never seen such a celebration. Then he scored two more, just for good measure, and he’s been walking on air ever since.

Meanwhile, Anna is doing dance. (Did that sound enthusiastic?) She has a practice once a week, but unlike sports where there is a game every weekend, they only have one recital at the end of the season. (I’m not sure if “season” is the right word for dance). She doesn’t understand why her brothers get all of the fun while she’s stuck sitting in the hot sun watching game after boring game every Saturday.

Sam doesn’t mind all of the games, so long as we bring him lots to drink and eat. Speaking of whom, we finally cut Sam’s hair. It’s official – he is a boy.

Last year for fall break we took a family trip to San Diego . This year we didn’t take any trips. Instead, Josh had oral surgery on Monday. He has a tooth that will not drop into place so they had to put a chain on it to pull it down. He had to go completely under. To help him go under they put laughing gas on his nose. He had a nice, relaxed smile on his face for a while and said at one point: “I tooted.” Meaning, he farted. Then he started laughing hysterically. Overall the surgery was a success.

Scottie went to a day camp during fall break. You’re probably thinking he did football or soccer or, at the very least, baseball. But he didn’t – it was a musical theater camp. Other than the price, Jill and I were excited he was doing it. Apparently lots of other parents thought it was expensive, too, because only 8 kids between K-6 ended up taking it (and it was advertised to several elementary schools). Scottie was one of only two boys, the other being a second grader who cried the entire first day because he was hungry. At the end of the week they put on a little performance with some singing and dancing. Scottie has made us make a solemn vow that we would not bring our other children to the performance or show our video recording of it to anyone. But I don’t know why – he did great and seemed to really enjoy it. Up next – Fiddler on the Roof. Seems like Scottie is following his Utah cousins’ footsteps.

Flu season is nearly here, which means it is time for flu shots. It’s not that big of a deal to all of our kids, including Sam, except for Zach. He is definitely our most aggressive child as far as anything goes, except shots. He’s paranoid and will often put on a sound and light show before he gets poked that would rival an Oscar nomination. We are thinking about putting him in Scottie’s musical theater camp next year.

Report cards for first term are out and Jill and I met with all of the kids’ teachers. Last time we received report cards, I started to write a Brown Family letter that did a report card on the kids’ teachers. I’m not going to attempt that again, since Jill will just erase all of my hard work, but it’s not necessary – the teachers basically said that our kids are the greatest they have ever had. That’s how your get an “A” as a teacher.

Love,

The Browns

Brown Family Olympians

Dear Family, Friends and Countrymen:

Whenever I watch the Olympics I’m reminded of how I could have been an Olympian. Everyone said so when I was growing up. And now that I’ve watched a few Olympics from my couch, I heartily agree that I could give those athletes a run for history. Is it too late to sign up as an alternate somewhere?

Speaking of future Olympians, we now have four kids in school full-time! I thought Jill would be in celebration mode, but she is super sad. I’ve tried to comfort her by telling her that she can get a job and I’ll stay home with Sam, but she thinks I’m kidding. Secretly, though, I’m looking to train more. After all, who couldn’t become an Olympic athlete if they worked out all day?

I have recently taken up golfing again. I take it up about once a year during the summertime when it is so hot outside the golf courses practically pay you to play. I’ve now taken Scottie twice and Josh and Zach once each. The universal theme is that they all think I stink. And I can’t disagree – collectively we’re quite a spectacle out there, holding up the fast-moving golfers who tell us our type should be confined to the driving range or purgatory. Note that golfing is not an Olympic sport . . . and there is a reason for that – it’s not a sport for real athletes.

Scottie has taken up the Olympic spirit, too. He told me and Jill that he's going to start training for the 50m freestyle in swimming. When I told him I was going to be in the 2012 Olympics, too, he and Jill started laughing. It took them a while before they could regain their composure. I don't mind -- it's just extra motivation.

I took the kids to the cabin without Jill. She banned me from taking my .22 rifle – apparently she didn’t think there was enough “adult” supervision, whatever that means. So, we were stuck with shooting an old $10 bow and arrow set that we bought Scottie for his third birthday and a bb gun that can’t penetrate paper plates. Nevertheless, we enjoyed ourselves, shooting in tournaments that I set up. I won them all, naturally, but the kids did well, too. I’m pretty sure bows and arrows and bb guns are in the Olympics.

I finally bought a fishing license a month ago. I’ve been fishing three times since then and have been skunked every time. Part of the reason is that I am too lazy to wake up early in the morning to go fishing when the fish are actually biting. Part of the other reason is the adult to child ratio on my fishing trips, generally 6 (kids) to 1 (adult). One of these days I’m going to go fishing by myself at 4:00 in the morning just to prove to myself (and the world, who is always watching me in my Olympic fantasy) that I can still catch a fish.

Misty has a stink problem. She’s generally been a stinky dog, but over the last year she has really outdone herself. During that time she’s rarely spent time in the house because of her unbearable smell. Finally, Jill took her to the vet, which we have been informed is a doctor for pets that are sick or otherwise injured. Anyway, the pet doctor said Misty’s ears are infected and that is the cause of her increased smell. Indeed! Now we have to squirt stuff in her ears morning and night and clean them out with cotton balls. It’s a gross job and smells really bad, which is why Jill and I have fought more these past few weeks over whose turn it is to squirt and clean Misty’s ears than we have the entire length of our marriage combined.

I’ve decided that job or no job I need to start training for the 2012 London Olympics, so I took Misty jogging the other morning. She is out of shape! After the third mile she wouldn’t run anymore and after the fourth mile she laid down in some shade and stuck her tongue out at me. (Okay, so Misty was lolling her tongue out the entire time, but you get the point.) Luckily we were close to civilization so I asked a lady in a parking lot if I could use her cell phone to call Jill to come rescue us. The lady was very helpful. Won’t she be surprised when, in 2012, she sees that strange man from the parking lot win gold against his son.

Love,

The Phelps-Browns

Keeping up with the Joneses

I've decided I can no longer hold my ground. I've succommed to peer pressure by actually creating a blog. Fancy music has not yet made it in but I'm sure its only a matter of time - the matter being that my sisters have to decipher what the artists and titles are of the songs I like as I cryptically try to hum the melodies to them.

Plus also, (that is a connector commonly found in the Junie B. Jones grade level 2 books I frequently read) the real nail in the coffin came when Scott promised Zach $5 if he could score a goal at his last soccer game. Zach apparently was in great need of liquid cash and, considering Scott to be a man of his word, took him to the cleaners. Zach's triumphant game ended with no less than 3 goals. Afterwards, Zach proudly asked Scott to pay up and Scott told him "If you can tell me what 5+5+5+5 is I will give you that much money." Zach is a smart first grader. I'm not sure why Scott thought he could trick Zach with this addition problem but needless to say his plan was instantly foiled. "Twenty!!!!" Zach screamed with delight as he realized he had hit the jackpot. It was a red-letter day for Zach!

Later that day I was cleaning the kitchen and was putting away the crayon mess. I noticed Zach, who never colors, had created a beautiful piece of artwork that I just couldn't put in the recycle. It says, "HApe socRa DAy. ZAch I Git 20 BUX" with two very smiling orange stick figures next to a soccer goal and a couple of soccer balls. How could I resist?

It really was the deciding factor for me. I decided I had to find a way to remember this and determined to put the "blogging" question at last to rest. So, yes, we are keeping up with the Joneses!