Doctor Appointment

Friday Dr. Blumrick (my perinatologist) called returning a question I had about my heparin injections. After he answered my questions, he said, “I’ve spoken with Dr. Polowy, your hematologist (my blood doctor). We have discussed your case and we both are in agreement that if your hematoma has grown since your last visit, we will need to take you off of blood thinners and put a filter in your vena cava. You cannot risk having this hematoma continue to grow while still being on blood thinners. With a filter, you will not be prevented from developing another clot, but at least the clot would not be fatal to you if you do clot during your pregnancy.”

I was stunned and shocked. I thanked my doctor and then hung up. Once I hung up, questions about my situation began flooding my mind. What about my heart irregularity from my last surgery? Will I have to go back on thinners regardless of the filter if I do end up clotting during pregnancy? What kind of drugs would be used on me during surgery when I am pregnant? What kind of threat does a surgery pose to the baby (the surgery would be happening right underneath the baby)? In addition I was remembering the trauma and ugliness of the surgery I had one year ago and had vowed to NEVER go through that again.

I called Scott and the tears began to flow!

And then word got out. My amazing and wonderful extended family decided they would fast for the baby and me. I feel so uncomfortable being in the spotlight again. I keep hoping that I can get through this “hiccup” and then go back under the radar permanently. Believe it or not, these health problems do not stem from a psychological need to get more attention.

I have felt humbled and embarrassed knowing that so many people were going without food on my behalf. Thanks so deeply to everyone who chose to help me in this way and also the many prayers that have been offered in my behalf. I love you all.

Today was my next appointment. Scott and I went in for the sonogram and I was feeling very anxious. After the sonogram, we had to wait for my doctor to arrive… it felt like a long wait. When we went into his office, we were so VERY! relieved to learn that the hemorrhage is stabilizing. It has not grown and in fact has slightly shrunk. He told us that as long as the hematoma is there we are at risk but he feels the risk is minimizing. So no surgery!!! Our little girl looks great and relatively speaking she is much bigger than the hematoma which is another good sign. My next appointment is in four weeks. If the hematoma has grown, then I will definitely need to have the filter put in. However, Dr. Blumrick does not anticipate that this will happen.

Thanks so much for all of your prayers and fasting for this little baby. We can’t wait to meet her and feel like she must be a special little lady if she has to go through this rocky start to be in our family. Will you please continue with your prayers – hopefully things will all work out in just a few more weeks.

Love,

Jill

Marathon Man

Scott recently ran a half marathon. He left earlier than the rest of us to begin the race and the plan was that I would bring the kids at the appointed hour to cheer him through the finish line. When we got there, Scott wasn't coming through and I figured we had probably missed him. I sent a scout (Scottie) to search the crowds for him. Scottie returned a few minutes later saying that he had found Dad but that he was unable to join us and we would have to follow Scottie to be reunited with Scott. Here is what we found:

Jill: Scott, are you OK?
Scott: ..........oohh....
Jill: What happened do you need me to get you some help?
Scott: .........OOHH...

..........long akward pause; kids don't know what to say so we decide to take a picture to celebrate the momentous occasion...........

Jill: Scott?
...........

Jill: Scott?

Scott: .....(barely audible) you just don't know what its like to put my body what I just put it through.

........another awkward pause...............

Kids: Mom, can we go?
Scottie: Mom, see that rock wall over there? Can I go climb it?
Jill: Scott?........Scott......... Are you up for it?
Scott: ....moan....just go without me....

Well, after several days of recovery he seems to be getting back his strength and we are all proud and a little befuddled at Scott's accomplishments. Way to go Scott! (And truthfully he did pretty well - 8 1/2 minutes miles! Way to go!)

Help!! My mom is posting my nude photo!

That's a title that has to grab you - especially from a Relief Society President. Yes, its true, I'm exploiting my child - even before she is born - and showing her nude!!! Did you catch that? The radiologist told us she's 98% positive that we are having a GIRL!!!!! We are seeing pink!! MY HEART HASN'T STOPPED RACING FOR 24 HOURS.

When I was told we were having a girl, I immediately began crying. Not have tears extracted from my eyes kind of cry. We are talking shaking, heaving cries in front of complete strangers to the point that the sonogrammer was having difficulty keeping the instrument on my belly. I am shaking and crying as we speak to even type these words! I feel so grateful that we are having a daughter. I wish I could express myself in writing as well as my in-laws are able to because my emotion is much greater than my words. I have been telling myself over and over that I will be happy with anything but the honest truth is that I have felt connected to a daughter for awhile now. I feel that she has helped me through many trials I have had to recently face. So I hope that "98% positive" is right because I really don't think we are having any more babies after this little love. Cheryl, I will take that girl gift back you gave me a few weeks ago that I was too scared to accept.

So that is our wonderful and exciting news. Unfortunately, we also received news that has been very concerning. At the end of the first trimester hematomas have usually shrunk and resorbed back into the body. Sometimes they may take up to twenty weeks of pregnancy to resorb. Currently, I am twelve weeks. When my sonogram was taken to check on the status of our baby and that of the hematoma, we learned that my hematoma has actually grown. This means that the bleed is still active rather than being "old blood" that is working its way toward resorption. Thus we are still at risk for losing our baby. To complicate matters, my perinatologist no longer feels that I can continue my pregnancy without going on blood thinners. He feels that I have a life-threatening risk and I must begin heparin. Heparin will help to keep me from developing another clot, but it may also cause the hematoma to begin hemorrhaging. If I hemorrhage, the baby could be aborted. This is such a two-edged sword and its extremely difficult for me to do something to myself that I know can harm my baby. Please keep us in your prayers and ask that the problem of my hematoma will end soon. I have faith in our Heavenly Father and believe this is all in His mighty hands. I also believe that prayers will help to bring comfort, solace and healing when He deems it necessary.

hello world!!

another surprise!

I was stumbling through my previous posts and discovered "comments!" This blogging deal keeps getting sweeter. Thanks, everyone! If I were more adept at blogging I would respond personally but I loved reading your boosts of confidence and it was so fun to hear from people I haven't heard from in years. Love you, Jill